As we move through the life of an intimate relationship, mapping and learning each other’s edges and limits is one of the most essential ways to foster a life together that is meaningful and mutually beneficial. Then there are the relationship deal-breakers that challenge a loving bond in ways that make it impossible for most couples to find a bridge over. Spotting and navigating them well are critical to keeping the couple.
It’s important to remember that every couple has very different deal breakers, depending on their unique preferences and values. However, some deal breakers are more universal, especially when they relate to fundamental qualities in a relationship.
First, cheating on a romantic partner is at the top of many individuals’ lists of relationship deal breakers. Trust is paramount to any relationship and, once that bond of trust has been broken, it’s hard for a couple to move forward.
Another major deal breaker is lying. If one partner constantly lies or keeps secrets, no relationship can survive without the nagging thought of being betrayed.
Another obvious deal breaker is a lack of communication. Relationships can easily crumble if one partner’s barriers go up and they start to hold things in. If one can’t communicate, resentment can grow and distance develop.
Disrespect can also be a huge deal breaker for many people. If one partner constantly puts down or belittles the other, an unhealthy power struggle can quickly ensue.
Another major deal breaker is incompatibility: when partners don’t share the same core values and goals for the future. If couples aren’t on the same page, it’s very difficult to sustain a happy and satisfying relationship. Additionally, substance abuse can quickly become a major relationship deal breaker.
Addiction wreaks havoc on relationships, and it’s impossible for the partners to build a strong and stable family foundation under such tumultuous circumstances.
Neglecting responsibility or contributing sufficiently to the family life can also be a significant deal breaker. If one partner starts to feel overburdened by the share of labour, resentment can quickly take root.
A lack of mutual respect for each other can also be an obvious deal breaker. No one wants to feel controlled and dominated in their relationships.
Some deal breakers can include minor issues, like having different cultural backgrounds, while others can be more severe, like growing up in an alcoholic or abusive home. It could also be something more universal to their life, like one person’s lack of interest in having children and another’s life-long desire to have multiple children.
Further deal breakers include being rude and unkind, untrustworthy, narcissistic, disrespectful, lazy, argumentative, unintelligent, and not meeting basic relationship standards – such as not being physically affectionate when they’re together.
Finally, controlling behaviour is another glaring deal breaker. The ability to engage in a loving partnership involves a basic level of freedom and independence, and, when one person tries to control the choices of another, it fundamentally changes the dynamic of the relationship.
Deal breakers can be highly personal and relate to specific experiences and desires. For example, an individual who’s experienced severe trauma in the past could have such a huge deal breaker that they will no longer tolerate any form of anything resembling abuse in their relationship. Someone else might have a deal breaker involving sexual desire, or the ability of their spouse or partner to be a good parent.
Identifying your deal breakers, and caring enough about the relationship to address them openly, is key to building a stable, sustainable relationship. It’s a complex dance of self-awareness, communication, and respect, but one that could pave the way for a partnership built on trust, mutual respect and shared values. In the end, working through these challenges sets you up for the kind of relationship that doesn’t just survive life’s wild waves, but learns to revel in the ride.