Your relationship status is the modern-day equivalent of the dreaded box-ticking form that your high school guidance counsellor would make you fill out to assess your ‘readiness’ to date. No more schlepping down a hall to sign some funny paper form where you groan about wanting to be single but everybody else is coupled up asking who is Sal. Your relationship status is a barometer of your personal development and romantic maturity.
Whether you’re single, taken, hitched or it’s complicated, your relationship status says a lot about where you are in your life. So, what does it mean to be ‘single’ or ‘in a relationship’? Why do we get asked to declare our relationship status, and why does it matter? In this article, we’re getting personal about relationship status.
Understanding what your relationship status is helps greatly in your journey of discovering yourself. ‘Relationship status’ is a term used to describe phases of human connection. It is a journey that can take you from being single to being deeply committed. Every status has its experiences, challenges, and rewards.
Single Being single can be viewed from a lens of independence and self discovery. With this status, you are allowed by friends and family to focus on your personal goals, hobbies and you can build a very strong sense of self. Being single also allows you to meet new people, date, and have fun without adopting the obligations and responsibilities of the other relationship status’s.
In A Relationship When you update your status to ‘in a relationship’ people assume that you have settled down with someone. Having a relationship goes beyond infatuation. When you’re committed to someone, you experience amazing bliss, but you also experience an amazing amount of pain. You can’t be in a relationship if you can’t stand to live with someone, have their person array , and not see them for days on end. For most, this is not a challenge, and you can’t date someone and not allow them entry into your life. However, as with all relationships, there exists the possibility of a break up and your love lives will have to begin again. But while you’re together, you can enjoy the feeling of companionship and the fact that there is someone to come home to. It’s the feeling of having someone to share your life with and another person to experience everything with while taking care of each other.
Engaged Being engaged is another level of ‘in a relationship’, and you’re basically taking your relationship to the next level. You are planning to spend the rest of your lives together with this person. Engagement is one of the most exciting phases of any relationship. It’s a time of dreams about the future, discussions about shared values, and planning for building a life together.
Married Being married is a legal and socially recognized commitment. It is a binding agreement between two people, as challenging as it may seem. For some, it is a lifelong commitment. For others, it’s a journey through life, and it may be the means to meet their personal goals, have children, or create a family. For example, for my parents growing up I was the result of their marriage, not a planned experience; my brother is a different story. It is a unique phenomenon where men and women share themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually but are still uniquely themselves.
Marriage is work; for anyone who has been through it, there is a lot of conflict. Through it all, there are always sacrifices to be made, and life will have to be rearranged to accommodate your partner. Balancing the needs of your partner against your personal goals is a forced negotiation, but it’s a necessary step when moving in together. If you both have successful careers, you’ll have to negotiate childcare duties.
If you’re a couple who enjoys living life, you’ll have to negotiate money matters and manage finances together. Make no mistake, this is marriage. It won’t be easy, and at times, it’ll take immense effort and patience. When my parents got divorced, they had dated for years before getting married in their late 20s. Consequently, my sister and I had a very strong close connection to both of our parents. That is why the divorce was extremely painful and traumatizing for us.
It’s Complicated ‘It’s complicated’ may indicate on-again/off-again relationships, long-distance and unresolved emotional issues. This could mean a couple that appears to no longer be together, yet they still maintain a connection and have not gotten back together for whatever reason. It is also symbolic of the unusual phases of modern relationships – ones that don’t quite fit into the normal definitions of being in a relationship or being broken up.
Divorced In many cases, being ‘divorced’ illuminates one of life’s challenges. It is characterized by life-changing circumstances. It signifies the end of a period and the onset of a new phase. Divorce may bring sadness and pain, but it also brings forth the need for self-reflection and a new understanding of yourself. The challenges of dating again, rediscovering yourself, and creating a new life are the emotional gauntlet that a divorced individual must traverse.
When someone is divorced, friends and family rally around them, trying to make them as comfortable as possible, while they adjust to the new phase of their lives. However, the process of adjusting to a divorce is challenging and involves more than just finding a new partner. Divorcing individuals must ascertain what they want at that phase of their lives, and then figure out how to get there. It’s a personal journey.
Widowed ‘Widowed’ occurs in situations where a person’s spouse has died. This status denotes a complex relationship. First, there is the challenge of coming to terms with grief and finding a way to move forward with life. Healing is never easy, but it’s an inevitable process. When a significant person in your life dies, you are dealing with seismic changes in your world. However, as time passes, you must forge a new way forward. Being widowed does not necessarily mean that you forfeit all the good things that you experienced in your relationship.
As an integral part of your developmental process, your relationship status neither defines nor delimits you because each status that you experience offers a separate, distinct and provisional learning experience, to which you must present yourself fully and accept. Whatever your relationship status – single, married or ‘in between’ – tell yourself that this is where you are, experience the growth you need and move on toward a richer and more fulfilling social and personal life.