I have had the privilege as a psychotherapist to follow the road of many of my patients to their former splendour – if not always to some kind of Nirvana. But some of these cases etch themselves unforgettably in the memory of the patient and the therapist, and I want to share with you today a particularly happy one.
Laura was a retired school teacher, a lover of nature, who came one day to see me in despair. She felt herself disorganised and demoralised. She had a sense of having lost her personal compass after gruelling struggles first with her parents, and later with her husband and rebel offspring. I encouraged her to try to write down anything that came into her mind. Pain, disillusionment often give birth to poetry.
Gradually, she became aware that she had been able to master adversity. She had survived the Dardanelles battles of World War I, while her future husband was her nurse. She gave birth to four children in one year and brought them all to school age. I suggested that it would be helpful if she put all this into a novel written in the first person. She started work on this book.
At first, I read and commented on everything she produced, but gradually she gained in confidence and self-assurance. Her writing flowed more easily, unhampered by her fear of negative criticism. Instead, she felt a deep sense of joy, a source of new strength, as she ploughed through the difficult period of her struggle to learn and adapt.
The book took shape. These must be the happiest months of my life, she said. My inner voice criticised, who are you to say ‘happiness’? Laura left these sessions and again we began to share in the adventure of that embittered but strong woman who came to see me and my fear that she would be defeated. The manuscript lay before me. We agreed on a name for the book, based on a place she knew and loved in Provence. We agreed too – and she allowed me to be selfish – to set aside a special day to explore all of Laura’s research.
The First Session: Meeting Laura
Laura first came into my office a chilly fall morning. She was 65 and dressed for work, but she walked with an administrator’s professional confidence. Her face and knowing, keenly intelligent eyes betrayed a kind of chill as well. Laura waited for me to be seated at my desk and was suddenly and obviously nervous about taking a chair positioned across from me and a big metal desk.
‘I’m not sure what I’m doing here.’ Laura wriggled the purse strap through her fingers. ‘I’m three years out from retirement. But instead of enjoying this time in my life, I feel… lost.’
As we spoke more and more, Laura said that, throughout her life, she had always wanted to write a novel, but when teaching (and raising her children) became the centre of her life, the novel-writing dream got pushed to one side. Now, all of a sudden, with time to spare, a new desire to write was starting to become a reality — together with an onslaught of self-doubt and anxiety.
Unearthing the Root of Self-Doubt
Over the course of the next couple of sessions, I asked her what causes her hesitation. She talked about how she was scared of a lot of things, and ultimately, I helped her realise it was just her shyness getting in the way, not just from her brain injury but from before it. The shyness was always there.
Perfectionism: Being a teacher, perfect had always been my thing. If you produce something bad, you’re going to hell!
Impostor Syndrome: Although Laura knew as much about literature as many authors, she still felt like an impostor when she thought about herself as a potential author.
Fear of judgment: She worried about revealing her interior world.
Age-Related Concerns: Laura worried that starting a writing career at 65 was “too late.”
Therapeutic Approaches: Nurturing the Writer Within
As we began to understand the different emotions and beliefs that were keeping her in the state she felt was unchangeable, I founded my interventions in multifactorial therapy, which focussed on several areas of her life.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): We examined and challenged the dysfunctional thought patterns that supported Laura’s critical voice. For example, we reframed her thought ‘I’m too old to start writing’ as ‘My life experience gives me a unique perspective to share’.
Mindfulness Practices: With Laura, to help her stay in the present and to manage her anxiety, I introduced two mindfulness practices. One was very particular to help her manage blank-page states.
Expressive Arts Therapy: We interwove writing assignments into our work, helping Laura rediscover her creativity and creative expression within a safe, benign environment.
Narrative therapy: We began to engineer a new narrative for what Laura was able to achieve by investigating the saga she told herself.
The Turning Point: Laura’s First Chapter
After roughly two months of working together, Laura came to the session with a glimmer in her eye – a look I hadn’t noticed before. ‘I did it,’ she said, pulling out a stack of handwritten pages. ‘I wrote the first chapter of my novel.
I became aware, as Laura read her work out loud, not just of the quality of the pieces she’d written, but of how she herself was speaking. A couple of months before, her voice had been hesitant. But now I heard confidence, I saw passion.
This was the moment when I knew something had shifted for Laura. It wasn’t just about the text itself but, even more, it was a physical representation of her breaking free of her self-limiting notions.
Overcoming Obstacles: The Writing Process
Now the first chapter finished, and Laura was feeling very excited, but new problems began for us:
Writing Routine: We talked about setting up a writing space and about writing on a daily basis. Laura decided to keep a writing routine by writing for an hour each day.
Overcoming Writer’s Block: I taught Laura free writing and mind mapping to overcome creative blocks.
Keeping Writing in Perspective: We looked at time management strategies to ensure that Laura’s from other more essential areas of her life.
Coping with Disappointment: Some days, Laura’s disappointed and rejected. So we work on developing resilience, and seeing a relational setback not as a personal failure but as an opportunity to grow.
The Power of Community: Joining a Writers’ Group
As Laura began working on the novel, I recommended that she investigate a writers’ group in town. She initially said she didn’t want to, but one day she agreed to try it. This [was] a new high point.
Being part of a community of writers provided Laura with:
Peer Support: She found encouragement and understanding from others on similar journeys.
Constructive Feedback: Regular critiques helped Laura refine her writing skills.
Accountability: The group’s structure motivated her to keep writing consistently.
New Friendships: Laura formed connections that extended beyond writing, enriching her social life.
The social experience also counteracted Laura’s perfectionism: she learned to be comfortable with editing and other iterative elements of writing when she saw other writers sharing works in progress.
Celebrating Milestones: From Chapters to Completed Manuscript
Because I also happen to be her brother, I witnessed personally most of the important milestones of Laura’s recovery over a period of about 18 months. At first, these seemed rather ordinary: 1) La once again expressed herself freely through speech. She was also free of symptoms of selective mutism and ritualistic behaviours. 2) La was able to once again enjoy music.
Completing her first draft
Revising and editing her manuscript
Seeking feedback from beta readers
Researching publishing options
Each new achievement, however trivial, was an opportunity to compare how well she was doing now with how she used to be. We celebrated her new successes, reinforcing the accompanying changes in her self-image and confidence.
The Ripple Effect: Writing as a Tool for Personal Growth
As Laura was closing in on the end of her novel, by then it was clear that her experience of writing her way to its conclusion brought with it more than simply the manuscript itself; lessons that were born in the writing sessions had spread further into our work together:
Improved Self-Esteem: Laura’s success in writing bolstered her overall confidence.
Enhanced Emotional Regulation: The act of writing became a powerful outlet for processing emotions.
Increased Mindfulness: Regular writing practice heightened Laura’s awareness of her thoughts and surroundings.
Energised Relationships: Laura’s now sharing her passion for writing with her family and friends.
Purpose Rediscovered: Writing was a new commitment and goal for Laura as she entered late life.
Preparing for Publication: Navigating New Territories
After a couple of months of weekly therapy sessions, when Laura was back on track at school and pretty stable, our conversations were turning towards this next step of publication: which route to go – traditional publishing versus self-publishing – the pros and cons, weighing the benefits of each.
There were new fears to confront, but Laura now handled them with a tenacity that would have left her shocked at the start of our therapy sessions. We went back to the CBT tools that we’d used when her fear of rejection and judgement first began intruding upon her professional life.
Reflections on Laura’s Journey: A Therapist’s Perspective
Laura’s story reminds me that the potential for change we all possess is immense. As a therapist, it confirmed in me some things:
It’s Never Too Late: Age should never be a barrier to pursuing our passions.
Creativity as Therapy: The act of creation can be profoundly healing and empowering.
Benefits of Having People Helping with a Plan Can Make a DifferenceWhen you’re striving to achieve your goals, it can be beneficial to have both professional support and fellowship.
Worms to winner: one small chapter, and then a whole published novel.
Therapy as Accelerator: Although the work was ultimately Laura’s, therapy provided the container and support she needed to start the work.
Conclusion: A New Chapter Begins
Laura is now in the process of negotiating with a small publishing house about her novel. Whether or not she gets a deal, she is far more importantly crafting herself through the process of writing.
In her journey from a retired teacher filled with doubt and fears, to a confident author about to be published, she embodies what determination, what coming of age and the desire to be yourself can do.
Any of you out there who have unfulfilled dreams need only think of Laura’s story for inspiration – it’s never too late to begin a new life for yourself. If it’s writing, painting, or picking up any old skill that would bring you the satisfaction to make a difference that you long for, what is standing in your way? Just the first step, the belief that you can actually make it happen.
I’m grateful to have worked with Laura because she reminded me why I entered this field: to help others transcend themselves and embrace more abundant lives.
And, if you’re at that crossroad, wanting something but feeling like you can’t, know that there are people who can help – through therapy, a support group, or close friends and family; when we dare to follow our dreams, things can become wonderful.
Laura’s story is just one of many. What will yours be?